Last November I made the decision to say goodbye to my unhappy marriage and strike it out on my own. It was time to rediscover myself – who I was, what I liked, what I wanted, and who I wanted to be with. Although I’m perfectly capable of being happy with being single, I knew I wanted to find someone who would help make my life more fulfilling. Life is just better when it’s spent with someone you love.
I hadn’t been single in more than a decade and I knew I had a lot of work to do if I was going to find my soulmate any time soon. I dated pretty heavily during the first few months after my separation and I had the opportunity of meeting a lot of great people during that time.
I knew I had to be pretty discerning when it came to choosing someone I wanted to build a relationship with long term. It’s relatively easy to find someone to date, but not quite as easy to find the right person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I decided it was of utmost importance to put pen to paper and create a list of all the qualities I was looking for in the perfect partner. That would allow me to quickly evaluate potential partners as I moved through the dating scene. When I first created my list, it started out with about 60 qualities I was looking for in a woman. That list quickly grew to include over 100 attributes that covered my ideal soulmate.
When I told friends about my list (or when my dates found out about it), they initially laughed at the fact that it was so long. They were sure that it would be impossible to find someone that would fit all the qualities I was looking for. I smiled at their scoffing and then started a conversion with them about what they would want in a perfect partner. Everyone wants a great kisser. But don’t you want someone who will hold you hand? Clean up after themselves? Be courteous? Thoughtful? I challenged many people to read my list and tell me if any item on there was something they wouldn’t want in their own partner. No one could find any quality on my list that they weren’t also hoping to find in someone special. They quickly understood why my list was so long.
As it turns out, I first made contact with my soulmate just three weeks after putting my list together. It took us another three weeks to get together for our first coffee date. That initial meeting – which we both thought would only last 30-45 minutes – ended up lasting nearly 3 hours. We went to dinner a few days later for our first “real” date and I knew that she was something special. So special in fact, that I told her all my faults that she might hate that night because I knew I didn’t want to waste her time or mine in the dating process. After telling her my faults, I think her exact words to me was “you’re the male version of me”. It’s been an incredible journey with her since that time and I’m constantly in awe of how amazing she is.
If you’re looking for someone special, I would encourage you to make your own list. Then take action. I didn’t just make a list and sit back, hoping that the perfect woman would magically appear on my doorstep. I put a lot of work into dating many people to find my soulmate. You’re going to have to do that too if you want to find your someone special.